Journal: Writing my Book

writing my book

By Christina

I love writing. Almost as much as I love researching and creating something magical. 

However, lately, I find it difficult to shake myself out of the events I’ve written. 

Let me explain. 

For instance, I’ve written a scene where some explosion or perhaps a hand-to-hand fight has occurred. Much like the characters I’ve created, I feel as though I am living what I am describing. 

I’ve been dreaming of the thing events I’ve put to paper, and I’ve woken up sweaty and scared. Strange because I’ve never experienced anything I’ve written. 

my favorite things

But the imagination is quite special and unique. 

History books, historical fiction, and personal accounts can get you the knowledge and background you’re looking for in whatever the subject matter is, but how real it is to you is all based on how emotionally attached you are. 

For the last year or so I’ve typed out on my computer everything that I’ve planned, outlined, and needed to get out I’ve felt dread, fear, and emotionally drained. 

Going against my writing schedule I’ve had to take several unaccounted-for breaks and I’ve had to watch a load of comedies. 

Not only has the subject matter affected me emotionally but also mentally. 

The other day I was working in my garden, getting poked by the thorny bushes and blisters from the tools I was using when suddenly I remembered a small detail from the research I’ve gone through. 

christina q writes
d-day landings June 6, 1945

The thorny bushes I was now hacking away were the very same “hedgerows” the soldiers had to push through. My skin was scratched, poked and bleeding. My clothing snagged and long throny vines dug into the fibers and refusing to let go. 

A lump grew in my throat. 

I began to feel something akin to an overwhelming sense of gratefulness. How someone younger than me, seventeen or so, thoughtlessly shoved their way through the hedgerows trying to find some kind of cover or to escape from whatever was chasing them. 

It was strange. 

My first visit to Omaha and Utah Beach wasn’t nearly as emotional. It wasn’t until I processed what I had seen and the way the sand felt did I realize that it was all real. Everything I’ve read from history books. Discussions I’ve had with professors and classmates, and just random people who love history as much as I do. (Such as a Dutchman living in Carentan, who I enjoyed talking to for hours! My husband had gotten board and just left me in the shop)..

But here I was sitting in my garden overwhelmed with emotion. 

All because of what I had mentally put myself through as I wrote this book. 

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    D-day

    I’ve been nervous about sending in the first three chapters or approaching anyone. 

    What if they don’t get it? 

    What if they reject me?

    What if it is not good enough?
    But the truth is I’m worried that the book will not be appreciated and all my hard work will be a colossal waste of time. 

    And while all of that is pushing against my nerves, this book is a labor of love and perseverance. 

    As a first-generation American, I grew up not rally accepting my French heritage because of the things I had learned and heard in and out of school. 

     The French always ran away from a fight. The French had a revolution that lasted 10 years and the only good thing they did was get rid of the monarchy. The taxes in France, blah blah blah. 

    But this book, with all the research and stories I’ve consumed, has given me a sense of pride about being French. 

    I feel more connected to my heritage and I’ve felt incredibly lucky that I am French. 

    So that is why this book is incredibly personal and precious to me. Why I feel so incredibly protective of it, and at the same time scared as heck that no one will love it as much as I do. 

     

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    Hi, I’m Christina

    how i'm managing my anxiety

    I’m the coffee-addicted creative behind Christina Q. Writes. As a full-time writer and lover of history, I share insights into my crazy wonderful life.  Christina Q. Writes is where I share tips and advice to help you live simply and in the moment, and do it your way. Don’t be afraid to laugh at my mistakes!