“I wanted to find me” My version of life in the Country

green grass field with trees during daytime

By Christina

There was a time when I wanted to live in a big big city. I’m talking about New York or San Fransico. I wanted to be exposed to culture, art, and anything else you can find in a big city. Living in the country was the furthest thing from my mind. 

However, when I got to Portland, it was the biggest city next to Seattle that I had ever been to, I thought, ok this is somewhat ok. 

I think that was because of the charm you get from the Pacific Northwest. The trees right in the middle of downtown, the river, and the Pudget sound. There is still so much ruggedness there. 

It wasn’t until I took a faithful trip to the forests on the way to Seaside Beach that I realized I didn’t like the city. 

I didn’t like the feeling of anxiety I got from being surrounded by so many people and the incredible amount of cars on the road. I didn’t like driving and I was slowly becoming jaded by everything.

 

City life in France

That was the same for me when I moved to Paris.

Despite having parks, and small areas of trees, gardens, and whatever vegetation I just couldn’t understand why so many people wanted to live in tight quarters, hearing the sounds of mopeds and emergency services almost constantly. 

I felt suffocated. 

I felt miserable. 

I felt lost.

paris

Relocating to the Country

Moving to Normandy was quite a change from anything I had ever been used to. First off I hadn’t lived in the country since my family said goodbye by the farmhouse in Texas.

I was very young, so I don’t remember it much. 

What I do remember was the wide open spaces and how I loved running through the waist-high dried leaves every autumn. 

But that didn’t mean I loved to get dirty. 

Nor did it mean I wanted to be surrounded by rodents,  or foxes dashing around in the night, and sounding like a woman screaming (seriously google it).

But one winter day in Normandy,  I saw four deer with white bottoms prance across the street, and I knew I could find me in the country. 

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a white fence is in front of a house

“I wanted to find me”, My version of life in the Country

My first year in Normandy has been a whirlwind of emotions.  I’ve had to learn things I never thought I would ever have to learn.

Like how to operate a weed eater, murdering said weed eater, and then channeling my inner Frankenstien and learning how to fix said weed eater. 

 

You see my idea of life in the country was very similar to what you might see on Instagram. I’m talking about those people with shiny hair, and happy smiles while holding chickens or petting baby goats. 

But the truth is, if you think that is how country living or farming really is you’re in for a nasty rude awakening. 

And I was rudely awken. 

Cutting through the tall weeds, some like ropes and others prickly vines isn’t easy. Weeding and cultivating the garden to get it ready for the spring isn’t glamorous. It isn’t even fun, but what it is is satisfying. 

Somewhere between the banged-up knees, bruised legs, and scratched-up hands and arms, I discovered something. 

I discovered myself. 

And that has been what I’ve been looking for this entire time. I wanted to find me. 

I found how strong I am, and how capable I am at farming. Gardening, and pulling up stubborn plants that don’t belong in my vision. 

 

I uncovered the unknown truths about myself. Which I think is what makes life exciting.

Discovering that you are many things, many people. You just haven’t found any of those things and people yet. 

Now, I still don’t like getting dirty but I am enjoying getting to know more about myself. 

And happily, I am no longer searching for me. 

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2 Comments

  1. © Roentare

    A heart felt piece you have written. The images are rather lovely.

    Reply
    • Christina Q. Writes

      Thank you so much, this means a lot to me.I hope you checked out how I grew to love gardening. It wasn’t to fall in love with it, and I still hate getting dirty. 🙂

      Reply

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Hi, I’m Christina

how i'm managing my anxiety

I’m the coffee-addicted creative behind Christina Q. Writes. As a full-time writer and lover of history, I share insights into my crazy wonderful life.  Christina Q. Writes is where I share tips and advice to help you live simply and in the moment, and do it your way. Don’t be afraid to laugh at my mistakes!